I would very much like get away from myself and anything that will remind me of me. To run away to a foreign country and be an immigrant. To disappear from the world long enough to be forgotten. To go beyond borders and leave everything that's held me down. To finally be free from self opression and understand that it's a gift to always be blamed. I would like not for others to understand me, but for me to have a better understanding of myself. Death is not an option, but it is another place to runaway to.

Posted via LjBeetle

I know i've what i've done will upset you and this will harm our relationship but I have to make it clear that I did it even when I knew I shouldn't. Breaking promises is easier than I thought it would be, what's more breaking the same promise with differnt people.

I have no right to change what you think about me, the way I react, the way I hide, the way i'm awkward, the way I lied. I can't stop getting myself into trouble with you, not because I don't care but because it's become a habit for me.

I can't be sure that I'll stop pushing when you pull. But if you pull hard enough I won't be able to push back any longer.

I'm sorry girl...

Posted via LjBeetle

I'm really really pissed off with my family right now. They made a last minute dission to go genting again and expect me to go back from mon - thurs just to keep their fking newspapers. Sure i wouldn't mind if i had nothing on. Unfortunately i have an interview on tues and will be away at chalet from wed - fri. That means i have to lug my portfolio, toiletries not to mention 6sets of clothing including undies to and fro.

I'm just being bitchy and mean right now cause i think it's an utter and complete waste of my time and energy to move so much back and forth. And right now i have my pulled neck muscle so i'm even more unwilling to make that extra trip.

I'm just really furstrated at the fact that eventhough it would be easier for my mum to stay there until thurs, since she still has a lot of clothes there, she wants to make me go back and stay there. Someone should hide my medication before i find ways to die with them tonight.

Posted via LjBeetle

So it's too late to back out and away from the reality that's practically screaming in your face that time, has indeed casued a rift. It's left uncertain the breaking point of the situation but it's clear that nothing will ever remain unchanged.

The falling out scares you into submission. A fearful occurance that is a mild stepping stone leading towards the next, forward into the unknown.

A never ending freefall.

Posted via LjBeetle

Waiting for my mum to come back from running errands. Our guests will be here at 6? So... There goes my simpsons and family guy for the day. :(

So... It's the last day of 2010 and i'm wondering how time just flew past. All I remember was that work kept me busy throughout all the year end holidays in '09 and how i've been wasting my days away ever since it ended. But, it's given me so much time with friends who stuck by my crappy schedules.

I think my resolution for 2011 would be to at least earn money for my hopefullywillcometrueifmyfamilydontplaymeoutlastmin trip to hokkaido! And I got to get ready for a few rollercoaster up and downs with friends and family.

Happy 2011 in advance whoever is reading this~ Let's hope for a great year ahead! <3

Posted via LjBeetle

Dinner yesterday was really fun, thou we were one person short. :P I really miss being able to work with superteam and all the crazy stuff that goes on behind the scenes at work. It's not everyday you find colleagues you're just so comfortable and synced with. Almost like the 'perfect' family. Lol.

Zhi cha dinner was awesome and pasta salad wendi's husband made was da bomb! Our konyaku lychee dessert was a little too sweet so we had to add water. Walked the skybridge until we were locked in! But there were so many other people around. And there was a security guard who came to tap all of us out. xD

Hopefuuly, i'll get to see them again soon. And by then, I should have a job too! =/
Looking forward to dim sum lunch with the babes in a bit. Packed year end, here I come. :D

Posted via LjBeetle

So... the x'mas party at duxton has really opened my eyes to some things about myself i've been trying to ignore, until now. For starters, there are some people in my family i'd love to sever my ties with because (excuse me for being too much of a bitch but it's in my point of view) there is no responsibility/ respect for their family members. If you already know me, you will know that i'd chose to save a drowning dog over a kid any day. Kids of friends/ well behaved and mannered kids are safe from my curse but ingrate brats get it a million times worse. And i saw first hand how a parent's behavior directly affects their child's up bringing in all the wrong ways.

• I hate how they can throw their 3 hyperactive, stubborn, loud, noisy, disrespectful kids to my mum and i to "watch" from 7-11+pm.
• I hate how they concluded watching over me, when i was a kid, is equivalent to me watching over those 3 brats.
• I hate this unjust form of "payback" and all because we're related by blood.
• I hate how they treat our house as their own and freely give their kids baths without even asking us, not forgetting the use of our toiletries and even MY COMB. ( if you didn't know it's UNSANITARY to share combs esp when one of their damned kids has eczema)
• I hate how their kids don't know basic manners like saying PLEASE and THANK YOU when asking for things.
• I hate how their kids call me by name and don't even add a jiejie or ah yi.
• But most of all, I hate how I'm the only one who sees all this can't do a fuck about it because i hate them enough to erase them from my line of vision.

I think any psychiatrist/ psychologist/ mental health institute will get a kick out of running studies on my views/ relationship with my entire family. And a 3hr session of L4D2 would be awesome right now for me to release some steam.

So today (or rather yesterday) was awesome. Met the much loved tribers for ramen lunch at millenia. We shared gyozas and each had our own blown of either pork base/ crab base ramen. We forgot to specify the thickness of the soup base so we got the gao one by default.

Headed back to marina for japanese desserts, but the store wasn't there anymore so we settled for billy bombers. We shared an ice cream waffle, ice cream brownie and a banana split. Played a few rounds of monopoly deal and tried plock(?) for the first time!!

We seperated after; Yiuyiu and I headed to bedok to meet up with our crazy ava gang. We bought chee guay, tang yuan and macs for dinner/ dessert as we proceeded to sing our vocal cords away and party~ The 3hr session, quickly turned into a 5hr session. If we weren't chased out for closing, we might not have left.

The entire day has been such an awesome experience for me. Having a blast spending countless hours with terrific company just makes my week. Figures why I can't get my lazy ass up to secure a job. :/

I've said more than enough. Off to bed before another day out with my loves. Sweet dreams yo! I'll go practice my korean raps before our next ktv session! <3

Posted via LjBeetle

The flashes of lightning outside my window seem to flicker like a bulb that's about to blow. It's the first time i've seen this happen so it's pretty amazing and strange.

I should be sleeping now to prepare for the long day ahead when I wake up. Sadly I can't seem to get my mind to shut up, or my eyes to stay shut.

Let's hope the weather will be awesome tomorrow so I can go about doing my stuff without having to worry. :)

Posted via LjBeetle

Good morning world! Woke up relatively early today compared to the last few days~ The weather still sucks bytheway, but i'm still happy because some close friends are back in town. Yays!

My slump took a bit of a turn last night because I found out there's still a slight ppossibility for me to study design(but of course i'll need to work at the same time). Hopefully i'll be able to get myself off the ground again soon so I won't have to keep disappointing others. :/

4days to x'mas, 12days to dooms day.

Posted via LjBeetle